A Gathering for Large Women
I recently attended a Zoom gathering for large women, led by Marion Ouphouet. It is powerful to be with a group of large women who share similar struggles and a common oppression. It gives me such a feeling of safety and belonging. Marion’s love for us and confidence in us shines through everything she says.
There were about ninety of us on the call—from Mexico, Canada, England, and the United States. Marion started by talking about the particular challenges of the global pandemic: economic unease, increased isolation due to social distancing, and for many of us more difficulty getting exercise. She also talked about the importance of noticing where other oppressions—for example, racism—entwine with fat oppression.
Large women’s liberation work is fully part of women’s liberation work. We are moving against any way we have been invalidated as women—in terms of our minds, our power, our bodies.
Large women’s work is not about losing weight. It is about using the discharge process to free ourselves from the distresses that keep us from feeling in charge of our minds and our bodies. Marion reminded us that we are in charge of our minds; the oppression is not in charge!
We put attention on the places where oppression and early hurts have set in material [distress] that has left us feeling powerless, isolated, and unable to think well about our bodies. Body fat is the product of this early material. We are often condemned and blamed for carrying the material—as though we have chosen to be fat. Many people think we just lack information or that we are lazy because we don’t have the “willpower” to eat rationally or get enough exercise. However, we don’t get blamed for some other patterns that come from the same early material—for example, compulsive caretaking or accommodating of others. In fact, we may be validated for these patterns.
It is important to notice that there is nothing wrong with us. We can find a way to remind ourselves of what’s true about ourselves. For example, Marion once saw a poster that said, “Treat your body as though it belongs to someone you love.” It’s also good to have people around us who know what is true about us. We can be allies for each other. And there was a gathering for allies to large women at the same time as we were meeting. It’s good to know that this work is happening, too.
Marion recommends finding at least one person to whom we can tell everything about where we feel challenged in thinking about our bodies. We can think about what we don’t want anyone to know and then decide to tell this to someone in a session or a large women’s support group. We also need to tell our stories of when we’ve experienced oppression and when we’ve tried things. We need to share both our successes and our “failures.” (Our “failures” can be regarded as something that we learned rather than as something we failed at.)
Fat oppression is huge! It is vicious! It makes us feel bad (that’s the job of oppression). I wasn’t born fat. However, as soon as I chose food as a way to escape difficult feelings, feeling bad about this got added on to all the places where I already felt bad about myself and thought my struggles were my fault.
We can discharge on how precious our bodies are right now. I left this gathering feeling inspired and hopeful about facing the oppression and my early material.
Vernon, British Columbia, Canada
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of women
(Present Time 203, April 2021)