A Large Women’s Topic Group
at the Black Gentiles and White Ashkenazi Jews Workshop
There was a large women’s topic group at the October 2020 Black Gentiles and White Ashkenazi Jews Workshop. In the group we looked at how fat oppression had uniquely impacted each of our groups, while also reaching for unity and working together. What follows are reports from Marion Ouphouet, a Black Gentile; Rachel Kieffer, a Global Majority Jew; and Andrea Blum, a white Ashkenazi Jew.
Marion Ouphouet (Lawrenceville, Georgia, USA): After welcoming the group, I shared briefly that Andrea and I had been thinking about fat oppression for fifteen continuous years in a group of female RC leaders called the Large Women’s Health Project.
It is a privilege and a joy to lead this work, which is part of women’s liberation. All females are impacted by the sexist message that the bodies of females should look a certain way to be “attractive.” Sexist messages also devalue our inherent qualities.
It is important to remind all large women that fat oppression is a real oppression. It is also sanctioned and seldom interrupted. And it is not our fault. We internalize the negative messages that we are to blame and that we are lazy, disgusting, and not as capable, among other negatives. The internalization of these messages pulls us into isolation even from our large sisters. We are often left feeling that “it is our fault, and if only I could _______” (fill in the blank).
When I got a letter from Diane Shisk [Alternate International Reference Person for the RC Communities] inviting me and several other large women leaders to a group in which to discharge and think about this oppression, I read the first few sentences in disbelief then cried and cried. It was the first time in my life that I had not felt on my own [alone] with thinking about my health and this oppression.
Large women’s liberation is about getting our minds back and thinking better and better about our health and well-being. It is about discharging the early hurts that make it challenging to think about ourselves in the face of the oppression. In today’s climate, we are inundated with messages of hopelessness, blame, and fear. Being together and connecting with each other as large women is a big contradiction to the isolation in which these feelings thrive.
It is important to remember what is true about us. Our bodies are fine. There is nothing wrong with us. Basic RC theory gives us the foundation from which we move, and we need that foundation to be in a solid place—in our mind. We are all right. We are good. We are brilliant (we can come up with [create] a new and unique response to every situation). We are zestful (we enjoy life and are eager for challenges). We are in charge. We also get to remember what is true about all females as we take a stand against the messages of sexism: we are brilliant, beautiful, powerful, courageous, loving, and beloved. There is nothing wrong with us. Nothing.
I shared the following thoughts about how messages of racism impact us Black Gentiles and intertwine with fat oppression:
- Family connections are important. We often take on [assume] the role of “making things go well” and of caregiving and taking care of others.
- Our sense of our significance and our ability to prioritize ourselves suffer.
- The assaults of racism and the oppressive messages from fat oppression come at us nonstop. So we feel bad, feel blamed, feel we can’t think. We feel powerless to change or to have things the way we want them to be.
Rachel Kieffer (Brooklyn, New York, USA): It was significant to meet as large women at this particular workshop at this particular time. Just being together was a huge contradiction to the isolation of fat oppression.
I am a Jewish woman of color. The older women in my Moroccan family, my grandma and my aunts, felt comfortable in their bodies. They were large, loud, active, and joyful and didn’t seem to carry any shame about their bodies. They felt beautiful and treated other women as beautiful. The younger generation carries a lot of internalized oppression, from both sexism and racism. The women are trying to make themselves look more “European”—with blond hair color, plastic surgery, and the pursuit of thinness.
During the current pandemic, large women are automatically put in the category of “high risk.” Our body size is considered a pre-condition, whether we have health issues or not. The reality is that there are large women who are healthy, and thin women who are not.
After the workshop in my RC class, I asked the large women to talk about what it is like living in this time in history as a large woman. They shared that their bodies are targeted for destruction, that they are treated by the medical system as if their lives are not worth saving. They said they are fighting hard to hold on to themselves and their sense of worth and that they wanted every woman to be their ally and stand with them against the oppression.
Andrea Blum (Austin, Texas, USA): Anti-Semitism depicts Jews as physically disgusting. We often internalize this and feel physically unattractive or even repulsive. When we internalize the messages, we can have big struggles to live well in our bodies. This is especially true when women’s physical “attractiveness” is emphasized in the broader culture.
For many Jews, intellect has been emphasized over physical well-being. In my household when I was growing up, academics were very important, and it wasn’t until I was in high school that I saw my parents do any kind of physical exercise (they joined a tennis club). We didn’t even take walks. I didn’t know what others did. Many Jews don’t participate in sports. We often don’t feel comfortable being part of a team.
Anti-Semitism separates Jews from other people. Even seemingly positive messages like “you are so smart” serve to disconnect us from others. When a person is running [acting out] anti-Semitism, they are often blaming a Jew or disconnecting from them (and blaming the Jew’s patterns on their “need” to leave). We often struggle with isolation. That makes it easy to engage in food addictions, to use food for companionship instead of people. At workshops when I have lots of warm human connection, food becomes much less interesting. I don’t think about it or use it compulsively.
We Jews are often searching internally for what we can change about ourselves to make other people like and include us. This runs parallel to internalized fat oppression. It’s so hard to see that what’s at fault is anti-Semitism and fat oppression, to not internalize the blame and regard any difficulties as our personal failure.
Internalized genocide recordings can leave Jews unable to fight in earnest [strongly] to live long and full lives.
Marion Ouphouet (Lawrenceville, Georgia, USA)
Rachel Kieffer (Brooklyn, New York, USA)
Andrea Blum (Austin, Texas, USA)
RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of women
(Present Time 203, April 2021)