Some Suggestions for Elders and Allies
I think elders need to work on hope versus discouragement, especially now. Looking at our early defeats is crucial for elders—not in an attempt to undo the past (we can’t anyway) but to change how it has affected us. Then we can make different decisions than those we made when we gave in [succumbed] to early feelings of defeat. If we don’t do this work as we age, we can become rigidly negative in our outlook and behavior. When I am at rock bottom [very restimulated], I feel and act angry, distrustful, cynical, and hopeless about everything.
We need to work on our connection with others. We need to contradict isolation patterns due to elders’ oppression and other oppressions. We need to connect with people of all ages, backgrounds, colors, class positions, and so on. We especially need each other.
Sometimes it’s hard for us to remember that we are not alone and are wanted and worthy of attention. I’m a volunteer crisis counselor on a hotline used by many stay-at-home, poor, and often friendless elders who have few resources. The most common complaints I hear are loneliness, no one to talk with, and “there is no one who cares about me.”
We also need to discharge on our significance—how our lives are meaningful and how we can continue to explore new things, make new friends, and have a big voice in our families and communities. There is a strong pull to give up, “go small,” or disappear because of undischarged discouragement, internalized elders’ oppression, and other oppressions (such as racism and classism) that tell us we’re insignificant. How do we know—really know—that our voices are important and powerful?
I’d like our allies to understand that elders’ oppression is so much a part of many societies that it is invisible, assumed, and considered to be “normal”—some of it even regarded as helpful and kind.
We all need to re-evaluate how we think about and treat older adults. I would like our allies to discharge on the image of elders they have internalized. How did the ideas get into and settled in your mind? What was your experience with elders when you were a child? What is it now?
Allies to elders can also discharge on feelings about their current age. What do you like and dislike about it? How do you feel about becoming an elder? Will you welcome it? What do you most fear about it?
Oakland, California, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of elders
(Present Time 203, April 2021)