Thoughts about Being an Elder
The following are my responses to some questions on the elders’ e-mail discussion list about being an elder:
What I love about being an elder: Becoming a “sage”—having a wiser, deeper perspective from a broad, historical sweep. Building my relationships with family, long-term friends, and nature. Opening spiritually and creatively. Having permission to rest, which contradicts my workaholic patterns.
How the oppression hits [affects] me: Being treated as and feeling invisible, unimportant, outdated, and physically weak. People acting surprised when I say something smart or take on physical tasks. People worrying about me dying soon. Doctors trying to force me to take unnecessary drugs with serious side effects because I am over fifty. Seeing stereotyped images of elders in the media and film that portray us as laughable, ugly, and stupid.
How I stand up against the oppression: This past year I took part in a full-time scriptwriting program. I was far older than all the other students and the faculty. I struggled with feeling and sometimes being treated as dismissible, and I worked hard to shine as the strongest student. I gently but firmly corrected oppressive comments that came my way, and I helped the program director reaffirm an anti-oppression policy for how all students should be treated.
Life as an elder during the pandemic: In many ways, it’s been great. I have more connections with family and friends and have attended great live-streaming events on Zoom. I live with my partner and twenty-five-year-old granddaughter, and the COVID-19 crisis has brought us even closer.
When I’ve gone out on walks or gone shopping, people have been friendly, supportive, and careful to keep distant. I’ve felt a lot less pressure to work. Many people have expressed their caring for me as an elder who is vulnerable to COVID-19.
On the downside, I’ve been frightened by the COVID-19 outbreaks in nursing homes and news of elders dying alone in horrific pain or intubated. I’ve gotten restimulated by news of Donald Trump saying that elders are disposable and of some U.S. people gleefully demanding “freedom” to defy social distancing and mask-wearing policies.
How I’ve been connecting with other elders: I regularly counsel with several elders. I have many elder friends with whom I talk, walk, or correspond. I’m now starting an elders’ support group.
What I have learned about weathering difficult times: I gently treat as restimulation my own fears and those of others. I remember past times when I felt overwhelmed, hopeless, or despairing—such as when hiding under desks at school to prepare for nuclear bombs, believing the Vietnam War would never end, and being attacked—and I notice that I survived them all and learned from the experiences. I also remind myself that in every era, humans have faced much more overwhelming challenges from disease, war, poverty, and injustice. I’ve learned to discharge the early roots of my fears and to shift my attention to noticing the many things that are going well. Like other white North Americans who grew up post-World War II, I’ve come to expect constant “progress” and take my privilege for granted. So I’ve used this crisis to notice and appreciate the resilience and intelligence of those whose lives haven’t been as easy.
My insights about elders’ liberation in this time period:
- We’re a crucial resource to younger people who don’t have our broad perspective.
- We need to mobilize for guaranteed medical care, housing, and income for elders (and everyone else).
- Those who care for elders—disproportionately women of the Global Majority—need to be paid well, respected, and supported. Elders’ liberation is deeply intertwined with ending sexism, racism, the oppression of disabled people, and class inequalities.
- Politically, elders have been characterized as being more conservative than younger people and therefore less important for other liberation movements. This stereotype is dangerous and incorrect. Many of us passionately advocate for justice for all. Any conservatism among elders is just distress—discouragement, fear, and succumbing to pressures to be selfish.
- We can offer support to elders to regain and reclaim their full power, intelligence, and optimism.
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of elders
(Present Time 203, April 2021)