Supporting a Parent-Child Relationship
I recently figured out a new way to offer attention to a parent and child.
A father-daughter pair, longtime members of a monthly family class, had been going off by themselves during the class to do special time. The young person, a pre-teen, did not want to be on another video call after a long online school day and did not want to come to the family class anymore.
Her dad would join the class for “news and goods” and parent mini-sessions. Then he would go off alone to do special time with his daughter. The other parents and young people would do special time in breakout rooms with an ally paying attention via video. It was the best we could figure out.
This time I stayed with the dad and was his ally via headset while he spent time with his daughter. After the other parents and young people were set up, I left the Zoom class, called the dad, and said I would keep him company while he paid attention to his daughter. He told his daughter I would be doing this while he paid attention to her.
It worked out great!
Because I was on a headset, I could hear everything the pair said to each other, but only the dad could hear me when I talked. I used the opportunity to actively encourage and support the man and to appreciate his daughter as he paid attention to her. I reminded him that he was a great father and that I could tell [perceive] that he loved his child—from his tone, his words, his thoughtful support, and more.
I got to listen as he and his daughter talked through some challenging math problems and “see” both their brilliant minds at work. I could hear all the details of their conversation but was not part of it. I talked to the dad via the headset about what an excellent ally he was to this bright young female. I openly and warmly appreciated him for all the big and little ways he was doing great with her. I tried to be extra supportive verbally because I could not show delight with my facial expressions. I wanted the dad to know I was totally on his side and for him to use that to fully engage his mind in loving his child.
It seemed like a big contradiction [to distress] for the father to have an “invisible” ally cheering him on. He loved the experience, and his daughter was pleased to have had him so engaged. I was reminded about the value of fully supporting the parent-child relationship. We’ll do it again!
Lansdowne, Pennsylvania, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of family work
(Present Time 203, April 2021)