Alcohol and Drugs, and Parents
I recently led an RC workshop for parents. One of the topics was drugs and alcohol. I had noticed even before COVID that more parents were drinking alcohol. A few are smoking pot (marijuana). I want to say some things about this.
In RC we get to feel our feelings and discharge. We RCers are committed to feeling and discharging hard feelings. This helps us regain our ability to connect, play, be close, love, notice we are loved, think, and be the full human beings we want to be. When we choose to drink alcohol or do drugs, we are choosing to numb ourselves (make ourselves not feel). This is the opposite of what we are reaching for in RC. It cuts us off from real closeness. It inhibits our ability to think.
We all have struggles. Please do not feel you have to hide your struggle with drugs and alcohol. You are good. We all have struggles. Please reach out to someone if you are struggling in this way. We need to discharge instead of judging people who are struggling with drugs and alcohol so we have more attention.
We were prevented from showing our feelings. Young people’s oppression made it difficult for us to show our feelings. The oppression happened every day of our lives, starting from day one. It happened at home and at school. We were made fun of [teased] for crying. We were humiliated. Sometimes we got beat up. We were punished for crying or laughing. We watched other young people get humiliated and punished for discharging. We were sent to our rooms or had to go to the principal’s office. “Mental health” oppression made us feel that something was wrong with us for showing feelings and being ourselves. The many oppressions we experienced made us desperate to numb out (not feel anything) so we wouldn’t show our feelings. It felt like our survival depended on it.
Many of us were drugged at birth. Many of our mothers were given drugs during birth. The drugs went into our blood systems and then our brains. (This is an example of young people’s oppression: we had no choice.) We need to discharge on our experiences with drugs and alcohol, starting with when we were very young and through adulthood. We can discharge on being drugged as babies or young people, when adults around us drank or did drugs, and what we experienced as teens and adults. This will help us think about our young people as they face pressures to use alcohol or drugs. We also need to discharge on what it was like to be a teenager and the pressures to be “popular.”
Call a Co-Counselor. We need to figure out how to call a Co-Counselor when we feel bad. We need someone who will be on our side. We are not alone. What gets in your way of picking up the phone and asking for help before you yell at your young people or go get a beer?
We get to fight for ourselves. Parenting is very hard right now with COVID and the collapsing society, but we get to figure out how to fight for ourselves and come out of this much stronger. At the end of the day, because they have worked hard, many parents feel like they deserve to relax and have a treat. Could the treat be a session with a beloved Co-Counselor? Or doing something that gets our attention out? I worked with a parent who understood that getting a session at the end of the day would be better for him and his family than having alcohol. He wanted to be fully available to have fun with his young people and be relaxed with them. We get to fight to have the full lives we want.
Alcohol is a tool of oppression. Alcohol is used to keep people docile and addicted. It serves to keep us from standing up against oppression. Alcohol companies work hard to addict young people. They portray drinking alcohol as young people’s liberation—it is not liberation; it is oppression.
Women and men (moms and dads) are targeted with alcohol in ways that line up with our oppressions. Alcohol confuses men about what it means to fight for oneself and one’s re-emergence. Alcohol use can keep men on the edge of the family rather than in the emotional center. Men are told that showing feelings and being emotional are signs of weakness as a man. Advertising targets men with false promises of being close to women and shows a false picture of strength. It also encourages male domination. Women and young people have to live with the domestic abuse that sometimes occurs when men drink alcohol. It is also hard on young people when moms drink. Some advertisements try to convince women that drinking alcohol will make them equal to men.
It would be lovely to hear from parents (or anyone) who have discharged on this and figured things out. If you want to write anonymously you can send your post to hansen@rc.org and ask to have it posted it anonymously.
Love to each of you. You are good, and your young people are good, too.
Somerville, Massachusetts, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 203, April 2021)