Discharging a Sleep-Related Pattern
I’m a white Jewish female raised in the U.S. Midwest. I’ve been in RC for nine years, since I was twenty. When I was twenty-three and getting slammed with young adult oppression, some big chronic distresses came up and I stopped sleeping.
Since then, I’ve fought hard for my mind. I’ve never taken sleep drugs despite pressure. I’ve figured out how to have a big life while enduring sleep deprivation. And I’ve discharged enough that now the sleep issues are less about overt insomnia (being totally awake) and more about restless sleeping.
A re-evaluation I had over the last month is simple but is making a big difference! I decided that, at least in large part, my sleep issues come from restimulation of terror and feelings of powerlessness about that terror. Then I remembered that all distress is stupid and can be tricked. My powerlessness and terror must not be the almighty force they appear to be. They can be tricked. Just holding that in my mind at night and having sessions on it has helped me sleep better.
My second re-evaluation is related to learning that seven out of eight of my great grandfather’s siblings were murdered in the Holocaust. Until I learned that, I didn’t fully understand the distress recording in our family that says we are not “lucky.” A lot of my terror and powerlessness probably comes from that, along with a recording that says it’s not possible for me to enjoy a safe, happy, restful life. (I most struggle to sleep the night before something that is big or exciting and matters to me a lot.)
I’ve always thought I had to wait until I slept every night and really won before I wrote about this. But I think that’s part of the pattern. I’m still not sleeping every night, but I’ve had some kick-ass [powerful] re-evaluations! And I’m fighting to believe that it’s possible, even with some difficult conditions in the present, to actually have a good life.
Millerton, New York, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of “mental health” liberation
(Present Time 202, January 2021)