Leading a Naturalized Parents’ Support Group during the Pandemic
We (Jen and Adrie) had been friends in the wide world before getting into RC. Since we already had the two relationships, it felt natural to offer a naturalized RC support group to parents via Zoom when the COVID lockdown started in our area in March. We intended it to be a resource for us as well as for the group members, as that was a contradiction to our distresses about caregiving and leading.
We invited parents we knew and whom we thought would be able to use the attention of the group. Many of them had heard us talk about RC or RC theory before.
Since March, we have been meeting every other Sunday, for ninety minutes, usually with four to six people. We begin the group with “news and goods.” In our first times together, we explained the basic guidelines for turns. Everyone would have a timed turn. We would all listen to each person lovingly and remember how smart they were. Everything would be confidential. Jen has reminded us that as parents we don’t usually get to show what it’s really like and that this is a space in which we get to do that. And we try to remind us all each time that while we feel alone as parents, we are actually in it together.
At first we gave prompts that were general, for example, what is good right now and what is challenging. It was wonderful to see people discharge right away. After a couple of months, we told people they could choose a counselor if they wanted to (we briefly explained what a counselor was and demonstrated it during our own turns). Since then, everyone has chosen to have one of us counsel them.
We have asked questions to get people’s attention out when it has seemed useful. We have also left fifteen minutes at the end for everyone to just talk—to ask questions of the group or say something that they’re thinking about that wasn’t part of their session. We have closed the meetings with everyone sharing what they liked about being there and what they are looking forward to.
The two of us, like so many parents, have struggled to think and make decisions about school and other issues in regard to our children. Last week, Jen talked about capitalism and the pull to make a quick decision or find an easy fix so that we don’t have to feel uncomfortable. Adrie suggested that we have sessions on giving birth. (Our group has so far been all women who have given birth, but the sessions could also be about bringing a child home for the first time.) Like encountering the current worldwide situation, becoming a parent was more challenging than we had ever imagined. We faced huge decisions that we didn’t feel qualified to make, while feeling isolated and afraid (just like we feel now).
Leading this parents’ group has been a wonderful experience. Adrie says, “I find it one of the best places for me to discharge. It changes my whole week.”
Shutesbury, Massachusetts, USA
Northampton, Massachusetts, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 201, October 2020)