I Grew Up in the House That Barbara Built
A week ago, I turned sixty-five. I woke up full of zest, excited about the new challenges I am taking on, and pleased that I have the life I do. It has not always been that way.
I am Black, female, raised poor and working class, raised Catholic, an oldest girl, and a child of an alcoholic. None of these constituencies gave me the messages that I mattered or that I could be big in the world.
But I grew up in The House That Barbara (Love) Built. Two Jewish women—who loved me enough to want my life and the lives of my family to go well—invited me there. I will be forever grateful to them for introducing me to RC and taking me to my first workshop over twenty-five years ago—Blacks and Jews, led by Barbara Love and Cherie Brown (International Liberation Reference Person for Jews).
Once I met Barbara, I knew I wanted to be wherever she was. The next workshop I attended was Black Women. Then I went to the Black Liberation and Community Development Workshop, and I have not missed one year of that since.
The House That Barbara Built doesn’t have any doors or windows or walls. But it is filled with the unshakable truth that I and all who enter there are completely good, lovable, connected, brilliant, capable, loving, and everything else that makes up our inherent nature.
It’s a place where you are told with complete certainty, despite any hurts you carry, that you can fly and that you get to put out your vision and expect the world to organize itself around that vision.
In Barbara’s House, you are also reminded to not let anyone steal your joy and that you don’t need to wait “until”—until you lose weight, until you have more money, until you’re older. You get to decide, act, discharge, and then go about [proceed with] having the biggest life you didn’t even know you wanted, or thought was possible to have.
Barbara says that as we move through the world, there are some things to always hold in our minds:
- It’s important to recognize the difference between action issues and discharge issues.
- Whenever we feel stuck or restimulated, there are three things we need to remember to do—discharge, discharge, discharge.
- We are all responsible for seeing that everything goes well.
- Each of us gets to be completely in the centre of our own lives and the world.
Because I grew up in Barbara’s House, I’ve taken on many challenges. I’ve repaired my relationship with my mother, learned to swim, learned to drive, gotten two university degrees, become a teacher, bought a house, learned to play the saxophone, reclaimed my creativity, and become an artist—just to name a few.
Pretty [quite] good for a little Black girl from Nova Scotia who had wished upon the stars that her future life could be so much more than the present one she was living. Now the present and the future are brighter than any star, thanks to my time in Barbara’s House.
Thank you, Barbara Love, and all the other occupants of Barbara’s House who have loved and held me all these years. It’s been great growing up with you.
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of African-heritage people
(Present Time 201, October 2020)