Needs for Sleep Vary with Circumstances
Almost everyone has feelings about sleep, and wide world information can be confusing if not damaging (for example, the huge pressure on parents to “sleep train”).
It seems to me that our needs for sleep vary over time and circumstances. As I approach sixty-five years of age, I need to go to sleep much earlier than I used to (partly because I wake up much earlier!). At RC workshops—or anytime there’s lots of safety, discharge, and attention—I can often go with much less sleep than usual (at least for a few days).
The other day I spent two hours with a toddler. His parents and several Co-Counselors were paying attention to and playing with him, and he played happily and engaged with us fully while his usual nap time came and went. I think that, in the best of circumstances, RC workshops are like that: we are deeply engaged with others, we are being thought about and are thinking about others, many of our daily restimulations are minimized, and we are having fun! The late-night hours I’ve spent laughing hysterically with my RC buddies have been an important contradiction to isolation, discouragement, and despair. And, like the child who could play and connect straight through his nap time, when I’m surrounded by resource and awareness, I can go with far less sleep.
I often come home from a workshop really tired but also pleased. And the tiredness is different from the kind of tiredness I experience at the end of a typical workday—when the associated feeling is more discouragement or grumpiness than feeling pleased.
A lot of us have found ways to rest at workshops, especially during breaks. Sometimes that is “suspect.” (Are we seeking isolation? Are we trying to avoid activity and play?) But sometimes it is just the smart thing to do! And for some constituencies—like parents, for instance—for whom exhaustion is a by-product of the oppression, resting in the middle of the day can be an exhilarating and important contradiction. Also, resting in the company of another person we care about is different from resting all by ourselves, as many of us have had to do.
Co-Counseling workshops are unique, profound, and often life changing. The late hours can remind us of times we’ve had to push ourselves beyond reasonable limits; the early-morning meetings can restimulate being forced to wake up before we were fully rested; but the re-emergent benefits of workshops far outweigh the difficulties, and discharging on the difficulties can make them less restimulating.
“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.” —Simon Sinek
Oakland, California, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 198, January 2020)