A Good Visit Home to Bharat
I want to tell you about the healing work I was able to do with my family and friends in Bharat (India). My mom and dad went from the extreme of not wanting to talk to me and wanting to disown me, to accepting my girlfriend, accepting our coming baby as their grandchild, and sending all kinds of gifts. My brother went from being cold and distant, to loving openly. He and his wife were able to make great progress in their relationship with each other, with my parents, and with their children. My friends went from being cold and distant, not having responded to my letters for many years, to coming to the airport to see me off at 1:00 AM. One of my uncles managed to express his anger and hurt with me. As for me, much of my despair has vanished. I am calmer, enthusiastic, happier, and able to look at reality. I have gained new confidence and an appreciation of my own power.
Upon arriving in Mumbai (Bombay), my brother Praful (who is in RC) and I started teaching my other brother and his wife, who live in Mumbai, the fundamentals of Co-Counseling. They were quick to grasp the ideas and put them to good use in healing their mutual relationship. We also started teaching my parents. My mother was quick to catch on, and I think she appreciated the visible change in my brother and "wahini" (sister-in-law). I think the change in my mother acted in turn as a catalyst for my father.
We were able to appreciate the deep love we have for each other and accept that each one of us is different and needs to lead his/her own life. We were able to understand that we don't hurt each other intentionally and that when we feel hurt by the actions of others, we need to look within and search for older patterns being restimulated. It is not hopeless; the powerful Co-Counseling tools of discharging with attention can tame the most awesome-looking patterns. We learned that we can recognize the love that exists within us, appreciate it, enjoy it. We need not impose on and interfere with each other; we need not isolate ourselves from each other. All of this we were able to experience first hand, and it went a long ways in healing us.
Several of my cousins and their families and two of my aunts (in their sixties and seventies) got interested in Co-Counseling and picked it up very quickly. My cousin's wife is a dentist, and she said that the very next day she used counseling (with remarkable success) with a little girl who was afraid of the dentist's chair. One of my childhood friends became very enthusiastic about Co-Counseling. We were able to spend only a few evenings together, but a good beginning has been made.
One of our neighbours and a friend of his are both retired government consultants. They have studied standard counseling. They enjoyed reading the translation of The Human Side of Human Beings and were impressed by the ideas presented there. Their comments have proven to be valuable with the translation I am doing and in moving my thinking on strategy.
I found that, on the whole, people in Bharat grasped the basics of Co-Counseling faster than the people I shared it with in the U.S. This must be due in part to my own patterns, but it is also because the people in Bharat are in a mode of searching. (This may apply to all the countries with developing economies.) On the other hand, I found it more difficult to teach people in Bharat the theory of "oppression."
On the whole, I found that women grasped the fundamentals of Co-Counseling much faster than men. The men are so much more shut down, especially the retired older men-I had extreme difficulty getting through to them. They have been hurt very badly and have had to stuff it in all their lives. Now somebody comes along and says, "Open up. There is hope." Right!! In the cases where I was able to give unlimited attention (as with my dad, who is a high priority for me), we did get through.
I found that everybody who claimed not to be interested in Co-Counseling was actually looking for one-way attention and could be reached if I had the slack to persist.
This trip was a vivid demonstration for me that the "human" within us is alive and well, waiting for us to discover that we are much bigger than all our patterns.
Sharad Kelkar
Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA