Speaking Out About What We Know As Parents
Dear parents,
I wrote a “letter to the editor” in response to an article that was published in The New York Times (a widely read newspaper in the United States). It was the first time I had written a letter to the editor. It felt important to take a stand even if the letter didn’t get printed.
The article was about the growing trend among parents to use alcohol, marijuana, and anti-anxiety medications to cope with (manage) parenting under the pandemic. The article did recognize the increasing obstacles parents are facing. There was also some acknowledgment that substance use can lead to addiction and substance abuse. However, no other coping strategies were suggested nor was there substantive questioning of the harms of substance use.
Below is the letter that I wrote:
Regarding “Parents’ Little Helpers”: While we parents are indeed facing many unprecedented challenges and while many of our usual coping outlets are not currently available, there are alternatives to coping other than substance use. We do have the true and tried method of building community with other parents. I have found comfort, hope, and even joy in taking turns talking with and listening to other parents about parenting under the pandemic. We laugh, we commiserate, we have even shed tears. These moments—whether via a regular Zoom date with my girlfriend, while masked outdoors in the park; or in those trying [challenging] moments at home when I remember to reach out to my co-parent—have helped me face what is hard and have reminded me that I am not alone. Our children need us more than ever to stay present and real with them and to face what is hard instead of choosing to escape and numb ourselves. They need us to model seeking out companionship and help, processing and releasing our emotions, and then, in turn, reaching for the resilience, hope, and joy that reside within each of us. Our children depend on us for that.
New York, New York, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of parents
(Present Time 202, January 2021)