Black Gentiles and White Ashkenazi Jews
Barbara Love (International Liberation Reference Person for African Heritage People) and Cherie Brown (International Liberation Reference Person for Jews) led a Zoom workshop, “Black Gentiles and White Ashkenazi Jews,” in October 2020.
In this time of crises and polarizing situations, we assembled to notice our inherent connection and allyship with each other. We also got to notice the material [distress] that our two historically targeted groups carry that can interfere with our having each other fully. We discharged on the early hurts connected to our histories and made a commitment to deepen our connections.
We were 189 participants—Black Gentiles, Global Majority Jews, and white Ashkenazi Jews, from several countries. Except for the Global Majority Jews, we came in pairs—a Black Gentile with a white Ashkenazi Jew.
I had been looking for any excuse not to come to the workshop (and I had a few). But I decided to come when I remembered my long-ago decision to prioritize ending anti-Semitism and challenge any material that got in my way. Deciding that was first for my own liberation. Putting attention on the liberation of Jews gives me more space to stand firm as I take on [undertake] the liberation of my own people—and all other groups. It was good to put attention on what needed to move in my relationship with my white Ashkenazi Jewish partner. Doing that pushed me to discharge some of my earliest material, including feelings of having to “leave” my mother in order to survive.
In some of the classes our two groups met together, and in some we were separate and led by the leader of each constituency.
Barbara reminded the Black Gentiles that we cannot successfully end racism and anti-Semitism until we love ourselves, and each other, completely. She asked us to look at where we hate ourselves, and at anything we can’t stand [tolerate] or that terrifies us about Black people.
She asked us the following questions about our relationship with our partner: How much time do you put into [devote to] the relationship? Do you talk about racism? Have you talked about your history? What gets in your way of doing that? What’s the conversation you are afraid to have, and what gets in your way of having it?
We need to increase our ability to recognize anti-Semitism. We absorbed it in the culture, family, and community in which we grew up. We can recall our earliest experiences of knowing Jews and how those experiences affected us. We can recall the negative messages we heard and remember who was present and what we felt or thought.
Cherie encouraged us to notice that being at the workshop was an act of refusal to be divided. Anti-Semitism is designed to keep us confused about each other. She said that in our partnerships neither one of us is the problem, and our distresses are also not the problem. The problem is the society that sets things up so that we blame each other and stay divided. We have been systematically set against each other. We have to reach through any material that says, “I am out of here [leaving]!” The direction is “Stay!” This is huge for Black Gentiles (and very familiar to me), as the messages of survival around white people have been to leave or to not make a fuss, stay low or hidden in the face of upset around us.
Cherie said that Jews may feel that their patterns are too disgusting and that no one will stick around [stay] if they show them.
We get to remember the history behind the patterns of both Black Gentiles and white Ashkenazi Jews. For example, for their safety and survival, Jews have had to “know.” They have learned to ask questions and get information. On the other hand, the ways many Black Gentiles have experienced racism have made it hard for us to pursue engaging our minds. We tend to pull back and assume that our thinking is not considered important. The histories of our two groups have created a “hook” of restimulation between us. The Black Gentile experiences the white Ashkenazi Jew’s pattern as racism, and the Jew experiences the Black Gentile’s pattern as anti-Semitism. We need to reach for each other through the restimulation, but first we need to “stay” so this can happen.
In every combined class, we had the first mini-session with the partner we had come to the workshop with. Then we had the wonderful experience of a pre-arranged four-way session in which we could work with another pair on our relationship with our partner. Each person got a chance to focus on the relationship, on the challenges and how racism and anti-Semitism show up [appear], and decide not to leave.
Cherie proposed that we answer these questions: What do you have to face to communicate? What is so unbearable that you don’t want to show it? What do you need to look at, discharge on, or face to say, “You are racist,” or “You are being anti-Semitic”? In the upfront counseling, Cherie encouraged people to “blurt out” (not hold back on what they wanted to say).
In her meeting with the Black Gentiles, Cherie pushed us to notice what we are up against with a Jewish person, to notice the triggers and restimulations in the relationship and where we stay timid. We did a mini-session on what makes us hesitate when we need to say something to a Jewish person. She said, “Protecting me and my people from restimulation is not the way we are going to move forward.”
I see this work as crucial for strengthening my commitment to my Jewish partner, to all Jews, and to all of us no matter what our oppression is. None of us is free until all of us are. I left the workshop vibrating and excited from the stronger feelings of connection to and hopefulness for all humans and this planet.
Lawrenceville, Georgia, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of African-heritage people
(Present Time 202, January 2021)