A Wide World Panel on White Racism and Being an Ally
Three Co-Counselors from the Houston (Texas, USA) Community were on a panel at a wide world event, held online, in response to the killing of George Floyd. More than sixty people (African heritage, Latino/a, and white) attended the program. It was a great opportunity to introduce a diverse group of highly engaged people to Co-Counseling and how we work to eliminate white racism.
The three of us were to answer the following questions, each in under three minutes:
1. What is Re-evaluation Counseling?
2. In your work, what does allyship mean to you?
3. What does it mean to “eliminate white racism”?
4. How does a person who is interested begin this work?
I wrote up my answers to the second and third questions in advance, to make sure they would not go over three minutes, and I’ve included them below.
The following questions and comments written in the chat indicated a high level of interest in and engagement with the topic:
- How do you help people move beyond thinking that a robust discussion about racism should happen just for a moment? I have heard some good white friends say that they are tired of talking about this. They feel there are so many other important things to focus on.
- I am concerned about white people mistaking allyship for “white savior” behavior. Does true allyship require a deep belief that our Black colleagues are equal to us and don’t need “saving”?
- Speak more to the concept of “good white people.” It is tempting to let our (white) selves off the hook [not be responsible] because at least we aren’t those (white) people who behave badly. And what are the best exercises and terminology to avoid paralyzing shame and accept that there is no “good,” there is only “growing”?
• From one of the panelists: Many white people who want to work on racism can’t believe that white people are good. It can be hard to believe, especially when you get close to the history of race relations in this country. We need to face how brutal racism is. But we are more than our racism. And working on it does renew hope, clarity, and strength.
MY ANSWER TO THE THIRD QUESTION
Here is my answer to question number three: What does it mean to “eliminate white racism”?
There are two kinds of racism: systemic racism as it exists in the institutions of society, and racism as it lives in the minds of white people. To eliminate the first requires societal change. To eliminate the second requires a mental transformation. Neither is easy. But both are doable.
Racism not only divides white people from people of African heritage. Much less obviously but very important, it also divides white people from each other. To heal from the effects of racism is to heal both these divisions. To start the process of healing, we first address the divisions between white people caused by the racism that has been installed in their minds.
We begin with two shocking premises—namely, that all white people are good and that all white people have been deeply hurt by racism in the area of human connection. If we put racism off on [assign racism to] “those other white people” who act it out most blatantly, then we don’t have to look at where racism has affected us.
The “good white people” versus “bad white people” division is key to keeping racism in place. The white people acting out racism are our people. We get to claim them because all white people carry this stuff, even the polite ones of us.
Racism is a core distress of our society that permeates everything. It came in at us from our first breath on. Racism starts so early that we typically wind up [end up] numb, disconnected, and clueless about the devastation that it causes. And, in most cases, we end up living in a white “bubble.”
To begin removing the contagion from our minds, we get white people together in a safe place. We remind them that they are good, as are their openly racist family members, ancestors, and neighbors. Then we give them a chance to show, in strict confidence, how racism sits in their minds, including the message that they are better than people of African heritage.
Racism separates us from other people. We never asked for it or wanted it. It is a huge heartbreak for every human. Healing from it—that is, eliminating its effects on our minds—makes it possible for us to have rich connections with all humans we come in contact with. It is hard work that can be done only with support, in groups of people who notice their connection with each other, but it is immensely rewarding.
MY ANSWER TO THE SECOND QUESTION
Here is my answer to question number two: In your work, what does allyship mean to you?
Eliminating white racism necessarily means being an ally to people of African heritage. Allyship is intentional, just as intentional as the friendships we make. There is a point at which we decide that we are connected with and want to back [support] a person whom we want to be a friend or an ally to, if they will have us.
Describing allyship is not so much describing what to do but rather how to think about the relationship and therefore how to be with the person we are allying with. Allyship is real and effective when it is first of all based on straight human connection and not on lofty ideals, as useful as these may be otherwise.
The person we are allying with is not a project we are taking on [engaging in]. When we decide to become an ally to someone, we are taking on a two-way relationship, just like any true friendship. We see the person and their humanity. We believe in them and have decided to be on their side as they take on the challenges they have because the system is stacked against them.
We don’t need to “fix” them. We get to do what every good friend does—be confident they have what it takes to figure out how to overcome the obstacles and challenges in their way. We get to hang in there [stay close and engaged] as they struggle to figure things out, or simply be with them as they realize they are smart enough to figure things out and accomplish their goals.
We do not swoop in and “save” them but instead show up [be present] when they call for us because they need us or want our company as someone who cares about and believes in them. We get to show up at important events in their lives and be someone they know they can count on [rely on].
Allyship is a personal human relationship based on connection, caring, and mutual respect. Most of us can use an ally or two in one or more areas of our lives.
Houston, Texas, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for white allies ending racism
(Present Time 201, October 2020)