Dear fellow parents,


One of my children (now fourteen) experienced a traumatic birth. She aspirated blood into her lungs and was born looking lifeless. She needed to be immediately revived by a team of respiratory doctors. She spent her first week in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). She didn’t have enough strength to move or eat. She was fed through tubes even as I offered breastfeeding. 


I have told her that she spent time in the NICU after birth (as did one of her siblings) but have played it down [made it seem unimportant], kept it light, and never gone into specifics. She has had a lot of big feelings all her life. She feels pain at the state of the world—poverty and climate change have been crushing to her since she was old enough to speak. She feels a lot of anger and frustration and considers herself an unhappy person. She is also sensitive to light and sound and experiences a lot of social anxiety—she doesn’t believe she has ever actually had a friend and isn’t sure how to talk with people. Her writing is dystopian [about an imaginary society that is dehumanizing and unpleasant] and concerns girls suffering greatly.


I worry about her! She used to discharge with me a lot; my bed was where she came if she needed to have big feelings. Then we would hug afterward and be close. Now she is less inclined to directly express feelings by crying, shaking, yelling, or throwing things, though she talks about her feelings. She is also openly loving with the family.


I am wondering if I should talk with her more about her birth trauma. I’m afraid of it landing on her as yet another confirmation of what she thinks of as her “dark soul.” She is not having sessions with me (I am the only counselor she’s had, and I’ve only been in RC since she was ten). I don’t want her to have to face this alone. I’m not sure if talking in more detail with her about her birth trauma would be helpful or potentially harmful.


I am open to your thoughts and experiences.


Thanks so much,