Dear Anonymous,


Thank you for putting forward the issues you are facing in your wide-world women’s organization [see previous article]. 


I want to start by saying that many progressive organizations (women’s organizations and more general organizations) have stopped tackling sexism directly and do not see themselves as taking on women’s liberation activities. This seems to have played a role in your organization. I won’t analyze this issue further right now, but it is a big issue that affects all groups of people. Figuring out how to make sexism central and back [support] women to again prioritize the fight against it (without limiting the battles against racism, classism, and so on) is exceptionally important. 


Regarding whether you should leave your organization, I will draw what many might think is a funny [strange] analogy. I see political organizations like marriages. (I have never been married but have been in many political organizations.) We enter into a relationship because of the positives and what we share in common. Then somewhere along the way we hit the chronic patterns, or the person who initially gave us important “things” now cannot give us something we feel we really need. It seems like we have only two alternatives: “settling”—giving up something we feel we need and accepting the other person’s limitations—or leaving and going somewhere else.


In either case, it is important to examine our own end of the problems and our vulnerabilities. We have to look at our own struggles. If we don’t, then we think the problem is only the other person’s or the organization’s. And we bring our difficulties into the next relationship—with a person or an organization. I’ve seen this happening in the women’s movement.


All movements and organizations include patterns. People are often guided by painful emotion. They also face hard struggles. Sometimes people do need to get divorced, but in doing that it is important that they not abandon someone or leave things stuck. We have to take on our own hard places and also the hard issues.


We cannot successfully resolve the issues we care about if we don’t examine ourselves and use the discharge process to work on our struggles.


I have been involved in many wide-world organizations—mostly women’s organizations, peace organizations, and Jewish peace organizations. I have always played a visible leadership role. I have often stopped leading and participating at some point—for a variety of reasons. Some of the reasons are related to the limitations of the organization (without RC and discharge, patterns remain patterns) and some to my own limitations.


I, like everyone else, have needed to take on my own struggles in leadership (RC has been a major help). Mine have included the following: (1) fears about being attacked and not being able to take on attacks with relaxed confidence, (2) frozen needs to be liked and popular and not wanting to feel disliked when people disagree with me, (3) my limitations around racism and classism, (4) as a Jew, needing to keep discharging on the RC Jewish commitment (to “treat every person I meet as if she or he were eager to be my warm, close, dependable friend and ally, under all conditions”), (5) needing to learn how to back people in visible positions and lead from behind, 
(6) internalized sexism (I am still discharging on reclaiming my full power), (7) always looking at my own integrity.


Whether you stay or leave, you need to work on your difficulties in the situation. What would you need to feel in order to take on the challenges and take charge in the situation? 


You mentioned you “used your privilege as a white middle-class woman” to help the women take on racism and that now you are being marginalized. This perspective could be problematic. I’m not there with you and I don’t know what is actually happening, but it’s likely you need to discharge feelings of victimization. You assisted the women and the organization to take on racism. It seems like you played the role of an ally. You get to feel pleased about that but not necessarily get credit for it (you can take credit in sessions). Wherever there is racism on your end, you get to work on it. 


Winning women over on the importance of addressing sexism is a complex and long struggle. I would never abandon any woman who can’t yet take on sexism for herself. You need to continue to make friends with and be an ally and sister to the women of your organization, whether you stay or leave. Growth is dynamic.


I hope this is helpful.