Dearest Diane [Diane Balser, International Liberation Reference Person for Women],
It is always hard for me to put female first, and these days it is harder still. Thank you for keeping us looking at our liberation in the midst of COVID-19.
I sometimes feel alone in RC women’s work when working-class and raised-poor experiences are not talked about much, so I will share what is happening in my life right now with the devastating combination of COVID-19, sexism, and classism. I hope to hear from more working-class and raised-poor women.
Right now, I am discharging and trying to figure out how to stay close with my sister, whom I adore, while we cannot see one another due to COVID-19. She lives in a rural area three hours from me. We typically get together for an “overnight” every month. I have not seen her since February. High speed Internet is not available where she is, so we have not been able to Zoom. And there is no privacy in her home for her to have open conversations with me on the phone.
We were raised poor and working class and are both over sixty. She has significant underlying health conditions, as does her husband. Her husband was raised poor—some of it living in a school bus. They have worked at poor-paying jobs that have put their lives at risk much of their lives. He is a dear, loving husband whom I also love; this marriage is the best relationship she has ever had. And he is a Trump supporter. He is also a survivalist and conspiracy theorist and uses a lot of drugs and alcohol. She has experienced much violence at the hands of men that she has loved. Her current husband is not violent, but it is almost impossible for her to say no to a man.
She does not agree with him politically and wants to stay safe from COVID-19. He believes that COVID-19 is a hoax. As a result, he does many things that endanger himself and her—going places, refusing to wear a mask, inviting people to visit, and so on.
I have taught her to Co-Counsel, and she is a good listener to me and her friends. Because of our relationship she uses very little alcohol or drugs—none when we are together. Yet it is tricky [complicated] for me to express my concerns, because if she sees that I am concerned, she will just tell me what she thinks I want to hear. Usually when we are together, I just listen, and she talks and talks and talks and discharges as she goes. By the end of the time she has sorted something out and goes home stronger. Yet now with COVID-19, we cannot see one another, and I am losing her to the sexism. And I fear that I may lose her to COVID-19 as well.
It is breaking my heart and I have yet to figure out what to do. She is one of the dearest people in my life. It is devastating for me to watch the sexism tear her down and put her life at risk daily. This is not new. I have watched her make unsafe choices my whole life, but we were making gains, and now there seem to only be losses as long as we cannot see each other.
And, as my heart breaks, I am unable to talk about it to my middle-class husband of over thirty years. Though we have worked hard on our relationship and he is a pretty [quite] good ally to me as a woman, when it comes to classism, he’s lost. Though he talks excellent class theory, I have not been able to truly move him on classism. If I try to talk with him about my sister, he will invariably make some comment to the effect that he doesn’t understand how she can be so stupid. I have gone quiet and don’t know what to do. I no longer talk to him about her. I bear this all alone. Writing this helps me know that I need help here. I’ll start with some sessions.
As for my sister, I feel like I should say something positive, uplifting or enlightening, but I can’t find it. I’ll just keep discharging and reaching for her.