I organized the North American Female Allies to Large Women Workshop led by Teresa Enrico in September 2019. At one point the allies had a class with the large women, led by Marion Ouphouet. 


I put together an organizing team for the allies, and we counseled on our bodies, sexism, and our feelings about largeness. It was important that we were a team, that I did not organize in complete isolation. I got a better view of what I need to discharge to be an ally to large women. I better understand how compromised we thin females are in a male-dominated society. I would like to be more decisive in using my voice to do what is right without second-guessing and hesitation.


Teresa warmly led us in stand-up comic style—on our relationship with food, sexual exploitation, and the exploitation of our female bodies. She made us laugh a lot so that we could have our attention out and think better about ourselves and large women, and not be hard on ourselves. 


INDIAN FEMALES, HAIR COLOR, AND BEIGN THIN

I spend my family life with both upper-middle-class Indians (my biological family) and working-class African Americans (My spouse's biological family). The Black females I know seem to be more accepting of their natural bodies than the Indian females. Perhaps the Indian females have not done the work that some Black women have done on being "property." (Indian women have been the property of men and subjects of the British colonizers.)

I was the one who welcomed my mother into what I called the “grey-haired ladies club” when she stopped dying her hair (I was the other one in the “club”). A man I know said I should dye my hair and that he expected his wife to do the same if she wanted to stay with him. This is about male entitlement over female bodies. I was able to challenge him but felt obligated to do so with humor. I know hair color is not the same thing as large size, but I mention it to show where I struggle to challenge men directly. He did not talk to me with the disgust, viciousness, and blame that comes with fat oppression, for sure.


My female family members in India have been thin, I presume to attract male partners into marriage and have children ensure male protection and security under patriarchy. I notice that after childbearing many of them become larger, perhaps because their status is now solidified as the bearer and caretaker of a male’s offspring. The harshness targeting our bodies might be more severe in wealthier classes and in more advanced capitalist societies. My wealthier female family members who have been raised in the United States or vacation to North America and Europe have generally remained thinner, even after marriage and childbirth. And those in the United States who have gained and kept on extra weight after childbirth seem to be more preoccupied with becoming thinner.


We have all been oppressed in relation to our bodies. I am a Jain person. My religion focuses on the path of the soul and not the body through its multitudes of rebirths. My early material [distress] is about my family finding it difficult to acknowledge that I existed, even as a soul. Therefore, I find it difficult to notice and remember bodies in general, even though I work in a profession that involves touching bodies all day. I feel stuck in my struggle to feel that I exist.


TALKING ABOUT FAT OPPRESSION 

I have difficulty conveying the systematic nature of fat oppression because I still have much to discharge but also because most thin people do not understand that fat oppression exists. I have been trying to talk about it with people, large and thin. I mentioned organizing the workshop to a male director at my workplace because he asked why I missed his course. He indicated that the topic of fat oppression and bringing allies into the work was interesting. 


I am a physical therapist. One of my patients is large and has knee pain. She makes a disparaging statement about her body size in every session. I’ve suggested that becoming stronger will likely address her symptoms. I point out the negative societal messages about large bodies and say it would be helpful for us all to start with being pleased about our bodies. I don’t think what I’m saying is making a difference to her, from her reactions, but I’m trying something a little different each time while never agreeing that her body size is something to “battle.”


A young adult friend posted his weight loss on Facebook, and I commented that he was handsome at every size. Another large patient said he was getting “fat” during the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday, and I commented with a smile that we will all get fat together. Those comments might not have been the most “correct,” but I found that it was getting easier to use my voice as an ally. 


I know that part of my work is to get “bigger” in the world with my power. I don’t know if that will mean anything different for what my body will look like, but I do know it will mean using my mind and voice more. When I was a girl, I remember trying to fit people’s image of me by trying to remain cute and little (powerless and non-threatening). I remember being scared of losing their positive regard when they realized I was older than they thought, that I would have to work harder to remain in their favor. 


I get to stop hoping for favor for being small and symbolic. Instead, I get to be a terrified, visible female in sisterhood with large females.