A Time for Connection and Solidarity
Years ago, at the end of a leaders’ workshop, Tim Jackins said to the group in closing, “Treat each other well. Move toward each other. Push each other forward.”
I was impressed with the importance of his remarks and decided to quote him on three large banners up front at Catholic workshops. His directions seemed significant for any group in which external or internalized oppression has resulted in mistreatment, hatred, blame, and separation.
As society continues to collapse in increasingly harsh and violent ways, I’d like to bring these directions forward again. I’d like to offer them as contradictions [to distress] for all people. I think they could be useful in our efforts to join forces, connect, and heal our world at a critical time for connection and solidarity.
Treating people well will mean doing so with the people we “like” and with those who restimulate or confuse us. It will mean treating people in the way we would like to be treated: with kindness, compassion, and awareness of our humanity. It will mean holding out the best of who a person is, with reminders of reality. It may mean connecting with humor or replacing marginalization with inclusion. It will mean remembering what we know in theory and increasingly in practice: “I am a good guy,
I am one of the good guys, and the bad guys are good guys too.” (A quote from Harvey Jackins)
Most of us have a circle of individuals whom we can move toward easily. They are the ones who are “like” us. They often “agree” with us and “understand” us. And most of us have individuals who remind us of our early hurts, including internalized oppression and oppressor distress. We stay away from these people. We are scared or angry or resentful when we are around them. We feel victimized and stay at a distance. From experience I can say that this is a mistake. We want to move toward people (having worked on our early hurts). This includes moving toward those who are in an oppressor role in relation to us.
Some of the best RC lessons I have learned have come from moving in the direction of someone I felt that I wanted to keep a distance from, or someone who’d communicated to me that I should stay at a distance. In each case, it didn’t make sense to stay back. In some cases, it took years to move things forward. But I can say with confidence that we want connections with as many human beings as we can manage. Connecting outside of oppressed and oppressor identities can be particularly moving and empowering.
Finally, it is deeply human to make a difference for other people. As humans we love to make a difference in someone’s life. It involves thinking. It involves acting. It involves making mistakes, learning from mistakes, and moving forward smarter and clearer than before. We want our connections to move the other person forward and, in the process, to move us forward.
While Tim’s directions may seem simple, I hope you will use them to push beyond the boundaries you have had so far in your relationships. I hope you will reach for all other humans, treat them well, and have your encounters be part of moving the whole world forward. It is the right time to do it. Today.
Stamford, Connecticut, USA
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