Using RC Before and After a Traumatic Birth
The moment I made up my mind [decided] to write about my birth experience, my distresses went into overdrive [I got very restimulated]. I didn’t think that anyone would want to hear what I have to say. With the good thinking and support of a Co-Counselor, I discharged about writing this article on my experience entering parenthood.
PREPARING FOR MY DAUGHTER’S BIRTH
Before my daughter was born, I was in an RC beginners’ class. There I discharged a lot about my own parents and on the type of parent I wanted to be. I worked a lot on early hurts, and feelings of disappointment about my partner, who was not interested in doing RC or any sort of emotional work in preparation for becoming a parent.
I was very concerned about the oppression of this new person who would be joining our family. I wanted to make sure that I could be thinking clearly while waiting for her to arrive. I was scared. The pregnancy outcomes for African-heritage women like me in the United States are worse than for almost any other group. I felt very disconnected from my pregnancy. My mom had had several miscarriages and a stillbirth [the birth of an infant who had died in the womb]. I was concerned about getting too attached to a pregnancy.
I used mini-sessions and sessions to contradict my feeling of being disconnected. My Co-Counselor had me put my hands on my belly and talk to my daughter. That made me giggle a lot. I told the baby how much we were looking forward to meeting her. I also discharged on my mom’s fertility issues. I got in a lot of sessions in preparation for the birth.
I also thought about the best ways to surround myself with support. As a result of some discharge and clear thinking, I was able to find a doula and be vocal about my vision for the birth.
DISRESPECTFUL CARE
Unfortunately, during my daughter’s birth I received disrespectful care from two of the hospital staff. The calm support of my family and friends was undermined by fear created by a rigid medical establishment. I felt unheard and invisible, and my husband and mother felt terrified and powerless.
FINDING HELP
After I left the hospital, the birth experience had affected me so much that I started to feel very anxious. My chest tightened just thinking about the hospital building. I would get short of breath if I had to walk in front of it. I knew something was wrong. I reached out to my doula to see what post-partum resources she knew of, and she put me in touch with a woman outside the RC Community who specialized in birth trauma. Next I set up a series of Co-Counseling sessions.
GOOD THINKING ABOUT ME AS A NEW PARENT
My Co-Counselors understood how hard it was for me to move around after the birth and were willing to come to my house for the sessions. I worked on my feelings of fear, powerlessness, and disappointment and on physical ailments and pain.
My Co-Counselors also helped me discharge on how I had been treated by medical staff. They helped me think clearly about drafting a letter about my experience to the CEO [chief executive officer] of the hospital, so that no one else would have to experience the same thing.
I did a lot of shaking and crying because I was very scared. I was scared to write about my experience. I was afraid that the hospital wouldn’t believe me. I was afraid that nothing would change.
After I sent the letter, the CEO wrote me back twice. She outlined a plan for how the hospital was going to do better for birthing moms.
I don’t think I would have been able to think clearly about and take action on this without my Co-Counselors’ helping me discharge.
In the months after my daughter’s birth, I tried to participate in the RC class but found it difficult because of time and being sleep deprived. I had little attention for a formal class. The teacher did some helpful things: she gave me an article from an old Present Time about thinking well about new parents, and she allowed me to use my mini-session in class to sleep. That was restorative and helpful.
Arlington, Virginia, USA
Ifafore-Calfee—Using RC Before and After a Traumatic Birth—Counseling Practice—PT 196, July 2019