Reflections on an Early Sexual Memories Workshop
Below are some reflections on an Early Sexual Memories Workshop, led by Tony Smith, in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia:
The process of becoming a white racist is similar to that of becoming a “man.” The “deal” [“agreement”] is to lose connection, not discharge, and agree with nasty nonsense about people. Discharge opens up some new choices. —
All we want is to be close and connected. So get close, hug, cry, laugh, yawn, and repeat. —
At the workshop I got to notice that “self-improvement” patterns are really self-critical patterns and that they’re not helpful to me (or probably anyone else). They were an early attempt to keep attacks at bay. I am safe now and can discharge the early hurts. —
Working on early sexual memories is about connection. For the client, closeness and connection matter. Also, when I move in to support the discharge process, I need to be completely respectful of the client, who is going back to unspeakable, unbearable feelings—to a really hard place where she or he lost connection. The client needs to be in charge. —
I was reminded at this workshop how important it is to use our physical selves in sessions. It seems we can forget to get in close, with gentle kindness. I have remembered now and don’t want to forget. —
I have been confused about my client’s feelings of “never getting over this.” I now understand more clearly that these feelings are straight out of the early distress recordings of how things happened. Being clearer about this means that I am able to provide better attention for my client and stay in there with each person more fully.
Reprinted from the newsletter of the
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, RC Community