“I Fight These Fights Every Day”
I have been married for thirty years to a man whom I respect and love. We met in our twenties in a Jewish feminist discussion group. He still considers himself a feminist and is a strong advocate for women in the university where he teaches. But in our personal dynamics, sexism and internalized sexism play a large role.
They show up when we are visiting with friends. I often have to force myself to speak about myself; otherwise the conversation will revolve around my spouse and his work. I have had my own career, since my twenties, as a dance and movement therapist. I work hard at figuring out how to talk about it. It often feels “small and insignificant,” because it’s about daily challenges and successes in reaching other human beings and not about “big worldly ideas.” It’s often hard to remember that what I do and think is important and to push against my feelings of insignificance.
Sometimes I share a thought or a feeling with my husband and then have to listen to his “final opinions.” I am often not heard and frequently told what to think.
The more I discharge on these things, the more I feel empowered to speak up. At times this makes for a not-pleasant time with my husband. He often accuses me of “starting a fight,” instead of listening to me and acknowledging my attempts to help him be my ally.
I fight these fights every day, and I will continue to do so—with discharge, and support from my Co-Counselors and women’s leaders.
USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion list for leaders of women
(Present Time 190, January 2018)