Sharing the Hard Stuff
In a class at a recent workshop, Tim encouraged us to work on incidents in our life that we “protect” from sharing or working on in our sessions. He reminded us that we have resource now, unlike back there. He encouraged us to decide before the session that we would work on this material.
I knew there were three situations that from time to time would “float” to the surface of my mind with the thought that it would be good to work on them, but no condition seemed right or I could not remember in session.
After Tim’s talk, I decided that in my next three-way I would work on these incidents. I could work on two more easily and started with them. The third incident seemed harder to look at, and with not much time left I decided to not mention it and keep discharging on the others. But then my counselor said, “What is the third one?” The material was hard to talk about. I could feel both my counselors’ steady, loving presence. I felt enveloped in a sense of love and warmth and safety, and with five minutes left I could shake and tell the story.
A few hours later I noticed a sense of lightness and joy and a feeling that I could tell I was loved by people. It was as if an invisible shield around me had dissolved. I had known and been able to feel that I loved people, but taking in love and caring from others I think had hit that barrier. The sense of warmth and love continued. The next morning I woke up feeling the air was more relaxed around me and there was more space in my mind, and I continued feeling the sense of relaxed connection to people.
I continued in most of my other sessions discharging on what I was doing, referring to these stories that had felt too hard to look at. Each time, I pushed through some feelings of embarrassment, shame, humiliation, and blame. It felt like the conveyor belt these incidents were on was moving once again at long last, and in each session some of the material was being dumped (discharged). I know there are other things I hold back on looking at, and they are moving closer to being shared and discharged on.
I’ve noticed that when I talk about Tim’s encouragement to work on the material we “protect” and I share my stories, the clients tend to work similarly.
Marion Ouphouet
Seattle, Washington, USA
1 Tim Jackins, the International Reference person of the Re-evaluation Counseling Communities
2 “Material” means distress.
3 A “three-way” is a Co-Counseling session with two other people.
4 “Tell” means notice.