“I Just Organized My First Workshop”
I just organized my first workshop, and in the process I learned some new things about myself and about leadership.
When my own efforts to assist or get closer to someone are overlooked, I begin to feel like I am not being well thought about or like someone doesn’t trust my mind because of my age, heritage, or class background. My experience in organizing this workshop opened my mind to the possibility that other people’s struggles to connect with me may not have anything to do with me1 at all. While oppressive things do occur in the present, the moments when I feel oppressed are usually when I take other people’s distress personally.
I also realized that I do not know how to delegate. This isn’t due to a lack of confidence in the abilities of others but rather my inability to relaxedly let go. As a young person, because of the harsh realities of racism, I was encouraged to always be exceptional. I was convinced that I had to “go above and beyond” in order to succeed. I was also told, “If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.” This left me with perfectionist patterns and chronic fears of failing or disappointing someone, so relinquishing control of certain tasks at the workshop felt excruciating.
Discharging about all this reminded me that I actually do want and need help with things and it is okay to ask for that. Also, I don’t have to take it personally when others choose not to include me in their plans. In fact, nobody is “out to get me.”2 I can decide not to “go victim” because of someone else’s, or my own, confusion. I can use the discharge process to continue fighting for the connections I want.
I appreciate that the project of Co-Counseling encourages people not to lead in isolation.
Nneka Inniss
New York, New York, USA
Reprinted from the RC e-mail discussion
list for leaders of African-heritage people
1 “Have anything to do with me” means be about me.
2 “Out to get me” means deliberately trying to harm me.